Posts Tagged ‘life’

I have not been OK.

***This is a longer post, But I really wanted to make this post as a reminder to myself about this past year and a half and to share my life challenges.***

For the last 18 months, I have not been ok. I have not been myself and I just couldn’t figure out why I was constantly feeling so terrible and run down. 

I want to share with you about some of the things I have been experiencing. 

Starting last November-ish I had an occurrence where I was working at my computer on some documents I needed for a meeting… suddenly the screen was too bright and I couldn’t get my eyes to see or focus on anything that was typed on the screen. The rest of the world was bright but manageable. I figured I just had eye strain. It lasted about two days.

In late June I had a similar occurrence, Darcy and I were walking around the mall, and suddenly I felt a little light headed so I sat down, then I started feeling extremely nauseated… it lasted about a week like this.

This past September, I had another similar occurrence- about ten days of feeling nauseous, dizzy and light headed. 

While I only listed three occurrences, these are the most extreme. I had days here and there of feeling dizzy and off. These days grew more and more frequent as this last 18 months progressed, and I found myself spending more and more time laying on the couch and not doing very many things anymore. It was so frustrating, as I like to go go go and always be doing something. 

Another thing I experienced over the last 18 months is anxiety. Now, Im not an expert on anxiety nor do I know how to fully explain it. But the way I was feeling was definitely not normal for me. I am the type of person who isn’t always comfortable in some situations, but I am really good at just getting past it and getting things done. I continued to do so, even through the constant feeling that I was going to that I needed to hide, run away or I was going to explode. It was so hard, like really really hard. I was sick to my stomach everyday of this past summer, just thinking about things that I needed to start doing in September… this was probably the worst of my anxiety. My stress levels were so high and I did everything that I could think of just to try and take my mind off things, which is difficult when you know deadlines are closing in and your commitments are inching closer by the minute.  My hair started falling out practically in clumps.  I found the strength and I took action- I reduced some of my commitments, and I started to feel a little better… at least my hair loss reduced somewhat significantly. However, anytime I obligated myself to anything else.. even small things, that feeling in my stomach returned and I just felt sick and worried and completely stressed out again. 

A huge symptom for me was exhaustion. The year 2018 should be renamed the year that I slept but was still always so very tired. I spent a good portion of last year sleeping. I was taking 3 hours naps almost everyday. At first I figured I was just tired and needed some extra sleep… but it got to the point where I was needing to take a nap to make it through the day. I needed a nap somedays by noon… somedays I would last until 4:30 and I would then fall asleep on the couch – missing dinner with the family and sleeping through putting the kids to bed. I felt like I started missing out on my life. I was too tired to do anything other than the absolute minimum. It sucked. 

I thought maybe I needed to get my eyes checked. So I did. Sure enough I  now need to wear glasses full time. I was super hopeful that getting glasses would solve all my problems. Maybe if my eyes were better (by wearing glasses) I wouldn’t get so tired, or dizzy or feel so off…. Maybe life improved a little bit… but not really… I could see, but I was still felt so out of it and dizzy. 

So I made an appointment to see my doctor…. Yeah, I know – why didn’t I do it before all this. Well truth be told, I spend a lot of my energy taking care of Emelyn and Emrys and they are my priority. And I know the saying – take care of yourself first – so you can take care of others… trust me, I know. But for a while I thought I would rather snuggle up on the couch with Emrys than get stressed out about going to the doctor. My anxiety and stress was so high when I made my doctors appointment… I was hoping they could tell me what was going on… but terrified they would tell me something terrible. 

A few weeks ago I got my bloodwork and tests back. All my levels were completely normal. They said maybe my iron and b12 were a little on the lower side of normal… so take some supplements to help with that. I did get a referral to see a neurologist about my dizziness… so I have that appointment coming up in March… my doctor thought maybe I have a bit of vertigo. 

I came home from that doctors appointment feeling disappointed and stressed out. I knew something was wrong with me… but why did the doctors think I was fine. 

Suddenly Darcy and I had a thought about how long I’ve had these symptoms and a possible cause!!!

August last year I had a Mirena IUD placed as a form of birth control that was recommenced to me by both my OBGYN and my family doctor.  I have had some other side effects from the IUD over the last year and a half, but for some reason I didn’t think that anything out of that “region” would or could really be associated. Im amazed that I didn’t put two and two together as even being a possibility – but then again… my brain has been a bit of a fog for the last year, and I have had trouble concentrating on things. Another side effect. 

There are actually a lot of possible side effects to having this IUD. I’ve since joined a support group online so I can talk to other women who have also experienced negative side effects of having this device. I am astonished at how many women have been experiencing the similar symptoms to me. Exhaustion, extreme anxiety, constant nausea,brain fog, etc etc etc

Christmas Eve I gave myself the “gift” of going in to have the device removed. So, I have been IUD free now for about 12 days. 

Maybe it’s real or maybe it’s psychological, but I am feeling a bit better. I am NOT 100% but I am less tired… I think I’ve only had 1 nap in the last week and the “dizzy” feeling seems significantly reduced. We drove to Red Deer yesterday and I didn’t start feeling car sick till we were almost back home for thew day… usually I would be feeling sick in the very first part of the journey. Heh, I was even able to surf on my phone for a while too without triggering my car sickness. It was awesome!

For the last year, I 100% gave up running. I was too dizzy and I didn’t have the energy to expend that much of myself into an activity. I honestly felt it was too dangerous as often I would feel like I could just collapse from exhaustion and feeling off balance….. This week I RAN! Mind you it was only for 15 minutes and I was exhausted. But It was the first time in a year that I felt like I could actually do it and not fail. I ran 15 and then walked 15 around the track. A little piece of me had returned and the drive to try again and do better next time is there. I love that. 

Sorry it’s blurry. I only snapped one quick photo at the gym after my run.

Since having the device removed I am feeling less stressed, less anxious, less tired and less like a brain fogged zombie. I am happy to have the IUD hormones out of my body as that medication was obviously not for me. I am hoping that I can continue to feel better and better and get things moving forward in life, as I feel like I have been stalled and stuck for so long…. So while I have not been ok… I am going to be ok and am so thankful that we figured out the root cause of my problems. 

Here’s to 2019! A new year and a new opportunity to start feeling like myself again! 

Day 7 – I’m not going to the gym today.

Today’s workout is not going to follow the typical pattern like it has for the past week.

Today is race day.

I headed downtown today on the train. By myself this time as my daughter has swim lessons. So my awesome husband took her with our son and I went to my race. ( they met me after the race)

The weather was cooler today. Probably around 12 degrees Celsius- if you’re American reading this I think that’s around 55 or something close to there. Chilly. But good for running in because you get hot hot hot when running. Or at least I do. And yes I did.

Today I gave it my all. I didn’t beat any personal records- but I tried my best and gave it everything I had and really that’s what matters.  I don’t know if all the results are in – but as it stands it looks like I came in 189th out of  464 ranked participants and I came in 26th out of 88 ranked participants…. The stats page says a bit different because i believe they are counting people who are registered and maybe didn’t show up? Anyhow- My finally race time is 33:10:00 I am pretty happy with that!

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 1.35.27 PM

I’m pretty happy with this race. 😀

This was the best race I’ve ever done for liking the course. Right down Jasper avenue. It’s fairly straight and only two turns midway for about a km. All you had to do was go go go. No thinking.

I don’t usually enjoy my runs- I usually think- ugh what am I doing… am I crazy? Why am I doing this? But today the weather was cooler and I actually enjoyed myself. I think I need a friend next year so I can pace myself better. But that’s a whole year away 😜

So now I’m chilling on the couch vegetating. My whole body is sore… especially my toe that was bleeding when I took my sock off- I guess my nail was jabbing into it for the whole race…. but I couldn’t stop… lol.   Fought through the pain and finished. Priorities hahahah!

That’s enough of a work out for today! Here are some photos from my race day.

My daughter and I sitting in Canada place after my race 🙂

The finish line… I was watching people cross the finish as I waited for my 5km to start.

People gathering at the start line

Waiting for my race to start. There was a lot of people there today!

See you tomorrow!


My workout for Day 1

As promised, I am here to share my workout with everyone. My accountability that I actually went and did something and didnt actually hide in my room and sleep all day… even though that would be preferable, I am super exhausted today. But I went, I did, and I succeeded… even though I forgot my workout plan at home 😜

Aren’t my shoes pretty? I seriously love them! 💜


Here is my workout.

At the gym:

  1.  25 minute run
  2. 6 min cool down walk
  3. Biceps 10lbs 10×3
  4. Shoulder press 10lbs 10×3
  5. Triceps 12.5 10×3
  6. Stretching 5 minutes.

Don’t I look amazing after running for 25 minutes… 😜

Time to pick up some heavy stuff!

At home because I forgot my workout page of the stuff I wanted to accomplish ( I googled fitness challenges and then made one up from there adjusting to my needs the run was on the challenge and I remembered how long to go for while at the gym :))

  1. 10 leg raises
  2. 10 crunches
  3. 10 push-ups
  4. 15 twists
  5. 20 seconds plank

Does this seem like a good workout for day 1? I definitely didn’t want to over do it. I didn’t want to push too hard that my motivation for tomorrow would be gone and I would dread my next workout.

I could feel myself struggle today. The weights felt heavy and I felt shaky. It’s been a while since I lifted any weights and I can guess it’ll take me a bit of time to get back into it. But today was only the first day- it will happen- I just have to keep going!

Next workout tomorrow morning!



OK! Day 1! Here we go!


Here it is!

Day One of my 60 day challenge.


I am usually pretty excited about these challenges. I am always all gung-ho and start off with an obscene amount of motivation, determination and energy.

I have to admit to you all, I am a little nervous about this.

This, I believe will be my my longest challenge. Definitely my longest challenge that I will be doing alone, and its going to take some fancy juggling to manage both this challenge, and the kids.  I am a little stressed about finding time to workout with the kids hanging around me all the time. Weekdays will be alright – I am concerned about the weekends… Luckily for most of the time, I have respite on Saturday evenings… so this might help! 🙂

But why worry about something that is still days away! I will find a way to make everything work out – I always do 🙂

Soooooo…… Lets get this started!

Firstly I want to share with you a 3D image I made online using I got to customize it to my features…and size based on my measurements. I feel it still doesn’t really look like me… but close enough! LOL.

3DMyself_Image copy

Now, obviously this isn’t perfect. And I cropped out my current weight as well as my goal weight as I don’t think they are that important or relevant to anyone but myself.  I will mention that it is my “Goal” to loose approximately 26lbs. haha – yes specific , I know! Now, I have no intention of losing this 26 lbs in 6 weeks – Thats crazy talk and not at all healthy.  Maybe by Christmas if I can keep things up after this 60 day challenge.

I haven’t done my workout yet today, but I am leaving shortly to go and do it. There will be another blog post later today, and I will share what I did during my workout.

So, I guess that I will see you all later!


I’m like a yo-yo.

You know me.

I’ve been around for years…

I am the type that pops onto my blog every so often, commits to a bunch of posts, yapping about this or that for a while, posting almost daily for a month or two… then I fall off the face of the Earth for a while… must be because it’s flat and I have to find a way to climb back on top again… joking – whats with all that talk about people actually thinking the world is flat online lately anyways?? It’s crazy talk….

Flat Earth

Like seriously…. What would be holding all the water in? how would planes fly around the world? What would be on the bottom? AND wouldn’t cats have pushed everything over the edge by now?

I guess what I am saying is that I am back for a while. Trying to come up with something to yap about….

I’ve got a few idea’s …. so stay tuned!




It’s been a while…

I was surfing around earlier and I came across my blog… this blog mainly and a few others I have on other topics ( like Prader Willi Syndrome) and I noticed that it had been 2 years since my last blog post.

2 whole years!

I could hardly believe it.

Where have I been for two years?

Actually it has been a super busy time! Two years ago I was pregnant with my second child. That was a lot of fun… yah no – I actually hate being pregnant. Pregnancy for me is 9 months of sciatic pain, feeling like garbage and wishing it was all over. Luckily – the end came and on January 31st 2016 we welcomed our son Emrys into the world.


This is Emrys at 18 months! Can you believe how handsome he is? Seriously I just love him to bits!

My daughter Finished up preschool that year and went into kindergarten with an aide – and while the year had ups and downs, she made such amazing progress and I am super proud of her. She is about to enter into Grade one in a few weeks… I am super nervous and EXCITED for full day schooling! HAHA!.


This is a recent photo of my daughter Emelyn. She has her backpack and lunch kit and is heading to summer camp… preparing her for Grade 1. That lunch kit is about the same size as her…

Since January this year, I have taken up running…. and by that I mean… I have taken up paying to enter into 5km races and going out to do that about once a month. I don’t know if I like it or not…. I like when I get to the finish line… and I like that I usually sign up for a race that gives you a medal… I do it for the bling! lol.


Emelyn and I at our last race in July 2017


Emelyn’s First 1KM Race! I was so proud of her!

I have also been “working out” at the YMCA for almost a year…. you would think I would be in better shape… They have free child care – so my son gets dropped off in the mornings for 2 hours and I head upstairs… sometimes I do stuff… sometimes I just plant my butt onto a bike and I watch Netflix in peace for 2 hours… I think I use it mostly for some mental health time. Which is super important! 🙂

I also got married this year. Nothing has changed since being married… but I guess if you are together with your partner for 11 years, have a mortgage and two children already – we basically had life all set up before hand anyhow. Let me tell you though, planning a wedding is a lot of work.  Worth it though – It was a super fun day… even though I had some unexpected bumps in the road that day. As fun as it was – I am glad that I am only getting married this once! You hear that Darcy?! You are stuck with me for ever and ever and ever 🙂


My cake and cupcakes! I love them so much!

wedding 51

My beautiful dress ❤


Tacos! For our wedding we had a Taco Bar…. Best idea ever! Yum!

So… Basically that’s what I have been up to for the last two years… If I have any followers that still read my blog – let me know what you’ve been up to for the last while 🙂


14/20 December Blog Challenge: Three Of My Proudest Moments (So Far).


I’ve been sitting here and thinking about what are three of the proudest moments in my life are. It’s funny how as time goes by, these change. Things become more important, or less important or even forgotten altogether.

My number one proudest moment was mid November 2011. I believe it was the 15th or the 16th… It was the day that I introduced my daughter to my grandpa. I still remember how proud I felt presenting him with my little bundle of joy. Here is a photo of the occasion. This is my grandpa, my mom and of course my daughter.


Another of my proudest moments is hard to pinpoint. My fiance is in the forces. Due to privacy and media being used to obtain information, I won’t be specific on his rank, position or which branch of the military he belongs to. I can tell you that I am very proud that he has such an important career. Being a “military wife” isn’t always easy or fun… But the future that he is working so hard to provide to our daughter and myself is so amazing… and I mean that in both the sense of providing for his family as well as protecting our country and home.

And finally a third proud moment of mine is probably the time when a few months ago, My daughter and I were sitting at the table eating lunch after she got home from school. Her communication and speech is very delayed, but constantly improving. I never noticed how much until I asked her a question, not expecting much of an answer. She surprised me! I asked her “What did you do at school today?” Usually she would ignore me or just say something random and probably unrelated. This time however she basically went through a timeline of her day telling me that she rode a bike, sang row row row your boat and had a snack of *whatever I sent that day*. I just couldn’t believe my ears! So proud! My girl works so hard everyday and it really shows!

What are your proudest moments?


13/20 December Blog Challenge: My Fears.


My fears…

I have many fears. Throughout my life I have been afraid of many things, this or that, it doesn’t really matter anymore.  I have learned that when you become a mother/parent, that those fears you had all start to seem pretty trivial.  Now my fears all seem to revolve around my daughter.

If you are a follower of my blog, you probably already know about my daughter and her genetic disorder. For those of you that are new, My daughter has a rare genetic condition called Prader Willi Syndrome. One of the most dangerous symptoms of her condition centers around eating. Her body doesn’t metabolize food like her typical peers, in fact her body can only handle about 60% of the calories that her peers can. With the slow metabolism there is ( and thankfully this hasn’t kicked in yet for our daughter) also an insatiable hunger that is a main trademark of PWS.  Imagine never feeling full, no matter how much you eat.

The hunger of PWS is the root of many of my fears. I fear that my daughter will never feel full after eating. I fear that this hunger will control her life and she will not be happy. I fear that a remedy will never be found to help her. I fear that the hunger will drive her to be someone that she is not. And I fear, more than anything, that someday… for just one moment my attention won’t be on her, and she will gain unsupervised access to food and in that time she will eat herself to death.

These are horrible things to be afraid of. These are things that no one should have to fear. Food, it is such a complicated topic with PWS…. We need food to live… it’s what sustains us.. gives us life… but for my daughter is the one thing that is also so very dangerous.

I also fear that people will not understand my daughter and the seriousness of her condition. This is why I started my other blog ( Fight the HUNGER) which also has a facebook page. It is my mission to spread awareness for PWS, help fund-raise for research that will hopefully help with the symptoms of PWS and to do anything I can to help my daughter live the best possible life she can while managing her syndrome.

76_French-Emelyn-00052I fear that I will never be able to give her the amazing life she deserves… But I will never stop trying.

whoa these blog posts just got real…