Posts Tagged ‘blurry vision’

I have not been OK.

***This is a longer post, But I really wanted to make this post as a reminder to myself about this past year and a half and to share my life challenges.***

For the last 18 months, I have not been ok. I have not been myself and I just couldn’t figure out why I was constantly feeling so terrible and run down. 

I want to share with you about some of the things I have been experiencing. 

Starting last November-ish I had an occurrence where I was working at my computer on some documents I needed for a meeting… suddenly the screen was too bright and I couldn’t get my eyes to see or focus on anything that was typed on the screen. The rest of the world was bright but manageable. I figured I just had eye strain. It lasted about two days.

In late June I had a similar occurrence, Darcy and I were walking around the mall, and suddenly I felt a little light headed so I sat down, then I started feeling extremely nauseated… it lasted about a week like this.

This past September, I had another similar occurrence- about ten days of feeling nauseous, dizzy and light headed. 

While I only listed three occurrences, these are the most extreme. I had days here and there of feeling dizzy and off. These days grew more and more frequent as this last 18 months progressed, and I found myself spending more and more time laying on the couch and not doing very many things anymore. It was so frustrating, as I like to go go go and always be doing something. 

Another thing I experienced over the last 18 months is anxiety. Now, Im not an expert on anxiety nor do I know how to fully explain it. But the way I was feeling was definitely not normal for me. I am the type of person who isn’t always comfortable in some situations, but I am really good at just getting past it and getting things done. I continued to do so, even through the constant feeling that I was going to that I needed to hide, run away or I was going to explode. It was so hard, like really really hard. I was sick to my stomach everyday of this past summer, just thinking about things that I needed to start doing in September… this was probably the worst of my anxiety. My stress levels were so high and I did everything that I could think of just to try and take my mind off things, which is difficult when you know deadlines are closing in and your commitments are inching closer by the minute.  My hair started falling out practically in clumps.  I found the strength and I took action- I reduced some of my commitments, and I started to feel a little better… at least my hair loss reduced somewhat significantly. However, anytime I obligated myself to anything else.. even small things, that feeling in my stomach returned and I just felt sick and worried and completely stressed out again. 

A huge symptom for me was exhaustion. The year 2018 should be renamed the year that I slept but was still always so very tired. I spent a good portion of last year sleeping. I was taking 3 hours naps almost everyday. At first I figured I was just tired and needed some extra sleep… but it got to the point where I was needing to take a nap to make it through the day. I needed a nap somedays by noon… somedays I would last until 4:30 and I would then fall asleep on the couch – missing dinner with the family and sleeping through putting the kids to bed. I felt like I started missing out on my life. I was too tired to do anything other than the absolute minimum. It sucked. 

I thought maybe I needed to get my eyes checked. So I did. Sure enough I  now need to wear glasses full time. I was super hopeful that getting glasses would solve all my problems. Maybe if my eyes were better (by wearing glasses) I wouldn’t get so tired, or dizzy or feel so off…. Maybe life improved a little bit… but not really… I could see, but I was still felt so out of it and dizzy. 

So I made an appointment to see my doctor…. Yeah, I know – why didn’t I do it before all this. Well truth be told, I spend a lot of my energy taking care of Emelyn and Emrys and they are my priority. And I know the saying – take care of yourself first – so you can take care of others… trust me, I know. But for a while I thought I would rather snuggle up on the couch with Emrys than get stressed out about going to the doctor. My anxiety and stress was so high when I made my doctors appointment… I was hoping they could tell me what was going on… but terrified they would tell me something terrible. 

A few weeks ago I got my bloodwork and tests back. All my levels were completely normal. They said maybe my iron and b12 were a little on the lower side of normal… so take some supplements to help with that. I did get a referral to see a neurologist about my dizziness… so I have that appointment coming up in March… my doctor thought maybe I have a bit of vertigo. 

I came home from that doctors appointment feeling disappointed and stressed out. I knew something was wrong with me… but why did the doctors think I was fine. 

Suddenly Darcy and I had a thought about how long I’ve had these symptoms and a possible cause!!!

August last year I had a Mirena IUD placed as a form of birth control that was recommenced to me by both my OBGYN and my family doctor.  I have had some other side effects from the IUD over the last year and a half, but for some reason I didn’t think that anything out of that “region” would or could really be associated. Im amazed that I didn’t put two and two together as even being a possibility – but then again… my brain has been a bit of a fog for the last year, and I have had trouble concentrating on things. Another side effect. 

There are actually a lot of possible side effects to having this IUD. I’ve since joined a support group online so I can talk to other women who have also experienced negative side effects of having this device. I am astonished at how many women have been experiencing the similar symptoms to me. Exhaustion, extreme anxiety, constant nausea,brain fog, etc etc etc

Christmas Eve I gave myself the “gift” of going in to have the device removed. So, I have been IUD free now for about 12 days. 

Maybe it’s real or maybe it’s psychological, but I am feeling a bit better. I am NOT 100% but I am less tired… I think I’ve only had 1 nap in the last week and the “dizzy” feeling seems significantly reduced. We drove to Red Deer yesterday and I didn’t start feeling car sick till we were almost back home for thew day… usually I would be feeling sick in the very first part of the journey. Heh, I was even able to surf on my phone for a while too without triggering my car sickness. It was awesome!

For the last year, I 100% gave up running. I was too dizzy and I didn’t have the energy to expend that much of myself into an activity. I honestly felt it was too dangerous as often I would feel like I could just collapse from exhaustion and feeling off balance….. This week I RAN! Mind you it was only for 15 minutes and I was exhausted. But It was the first time in a year that I felt like I could actually do it and not fail. I ran 15 and then walked 15 around the track. A little piece of me had returned and the drive to try again and do better next time is there. I love that. 

Sorry it’s blurry. I only snapped one quick photo at the gym after my run.

Since having the device removed I am feeling less stressed, less anxious, less tired and less like a brain fogged zombie. I am happy to have the IUD hormones out of my body as that medication was obviously not for me. I am hoping that I can continue to feel better and better and get things moving forward in life, as I feel like I have been stalled and stuck for so long…. So while I have not been ok… I am going to be ok and am so thankful that we figured out the root cause of my problems. 

Here’s to 2019! A new year and a new opportunity to start feeling like myself again!