First Challenge of 2015

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I’ve been feeling a bit off lately. I am guessing that it is from the month off of working out as December was a chaotic month, I just needed wanted the extra time in my day to get things done. I spent a lot of the month drinking and eating and not being active at all.

It was about half way through the month when I thought – I really need to get back on track, I need to do another “diet”/eating challenge.  It was then that I decided that for the month of January I would give up drinking alcohol, gluten, junk food ( pop chips candy gum) and fast food.  I have noticed that when I go on these challenges that I always feel so much better – less bloating, more energy and less flatulence (the world is cheering now!)… ( and yes I italicized the word flatulence to make it seem more gassy…everyone farts – don’t judge 😛 )

Its a good thing that I am starting this challenge today. I woke up this morning and stepped on the scale to both check out what weight I was starting this challenge at….. and to see the damage that Christmas had done to me. Seriously, I did so much baking and it was so scrumptious… I just couldn’t stop… I should have.

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8lbs.

I am beyond embarrassed and I am motivated to shed these pounds that I don’t need or want! (and hopefully I can work off a few more of that as I have definitely slipped on attaining my weight and/or pant size goals – whichever comes first 😉

With eating better for this month, I am going to resume being active. I am hoping to check out the new rec centre that opened up near my place, as well as I hope I can attend some barre classes as my body misses it!

Now, I was listening to the radio last night and they were talking statistics about New Years resolutions. 45% of people make them and only 8 percent of those people actually keep them. I don’t want to look at this like its a new years resolution. I feel like that would imply that this is something I am just starting, or that based on those statistics something that I am going to fail at. I think that first of all – I am not going to fail… and second, this is not something new that I’m trying to change, its a continuation of my work. Jan 1, 2015 just was a great day to start this challenge – its just a coincidence that it happens to be the start day of so many other peoples new years resolutions.

So for the month of January I will be avoiding gluten, junk food, booze, fast food… and basically just trying to make healthier home cooked meals.  I will also be actively counting my calories  to keep me from going overboard in my eating. I will also try and be active 4 days a week (as I have a few hours  on the days my daughter goes to school). I hope that I can start a good pattern to push me to reaching my goals this year.  I better tie myself to that wagon so I stop falling off!

What changes, challenges or goals do you have planned for 2015?

Good Luck to everyone who is starting a challenge, a new years resolution or a non new years resolution!

Mira

20/20 December Blog Challenge: Why Do I Blog?

Why do I blog?

I started this blog a few years ago… The reason I started it was to post my activity during Prader Willi Syndrome Awareness month and the challenge that I accepted during that time.  I have since then started a separate blog for PWS Awareness and continue to blog on this site, using it more as my personal diary. I write about my challenges, my fitness, this month I am doing this writing challenge.

I use Pickles are Cucumbers as a place to express myself. A place for me to talk about the things that are important to me, or just a place to have that is my own.

I love blogging, even though I don’t always have something awesome to say.

I am so appreciative that some of you actually read my blog posts and follow me. It truly means a lot.

Thank you!

Mira

19/20 December Blog Challenge: What Do I Hope To Be Remembered For?

What do I hope to be remembered for?

I just hope to be remembered for something.

I have no idea what, or when or how. But I just hope that I am remembered for something. I hope that I can create some sort of change or enrich someones life in a great way. It would be amazing if someday someone was reading a history book and my name was in it… But I would be satisfied if I just came up someday in casual conversation between people remembering something about me that was great.

I just hope that when I am gone, that I am not forgotten.

Mira

18/20 December Blog Challenge: A Random Letter To Someone.

( Disclaimer: I had a hard time with this post because I drew a complete blank on what to write about… so I just threw some random stuff together after a long day in the car with a sick kid…I apologize for the slack-ass post. Zzz!)

Dear Someone,

Everyone has times in their life when it just seems like you have faded into the background and are completely unnoticed. You can feel like the world is just rushing past you and you are watching from the sidelines or shadows. I don’t believe anyone is ever truly unseen. There is always someone that see’s you… even envying those traits that make you special. You are unique and there is no one else just like you. You might not always see it, but its true. You are special and there is no one you should ever want to be. You are important.

Mira

 

 

17/20 December Blog Challenge: My Dream Job.

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If I could be anything… What would I be?

I have spent so much time thinking about this topic. The big question in life… What do you want to be when you grow up? I keep asking myself this… But the fact is, I am grown up and I still might not have any more of an idea of what I would like to do with my life than I did 12 years ago when I graduated high school.

I wonder sometimes if I am wasting my life… I wonder sometimes how others figured out their dreams. I wonder sometimes why I cannot figure out what it is that I want.

There are so many things that seem so appealing. There are so many things out there that I feel I would never be able to do.

When I was a kid, I wanted nothing more than to be an Astronaut. To travel into space and fulfill my fantasies of being in some other time and place. I watched a lot of Star Trek and other sci-fi growing up. Actually I still do 😉 But, the requirements for such a career are much too involved for me.

In my adult life I have dreamed of having a bakery. I LOVE baking. I could do it all day everyday. I don’t know if I have the skills… but I would have a great time practicing till I was amazing. This dream I feel is my guilty dream. I feel like it might be inappropriate for me to follow through on this dream because of my daughter.  Some of you probably know, but for those of you that dont know… My daughter has a rare condition called Prader Willi Syndrome. This is a genetic disorder that effects her metabolism and her ability to feel full from eating. My daughter will always be on a heavily calorie restricted diet, she will never be able to really indulge in sweets and treats… her diet must, for her health and safety be nutritious and healthy. How could I, in good conscience, have a bakery that sells essentially all the things I wouldn’t want my child to consume. I feel that would make me a hypocrite.

So where does that leave me? Still wondering what my role is in the world … where do I fit in?

At the moment, I am happy being a stay at home mom… it is indeed a full-time job!

Perhaps in the future I can revisit the bakery idea, or I have even recently started thinking about the fitness avenue of careers.

My dream job would have to be something that allows me to still be a good mom. I wouldn’t want a career that took me too much away from my family life… With my daughters needs, It’s very important in our family for her to be our main concern. Who knows what the future will bring… I guess I just have to wait and see and keep on dreaming.

What is your dream job? Are you doing it?

Mira

16/20 December Blog Challenge: What can I not live without?

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I think this post gets to be selfish because of course I cannot live without my fiance and my daughter… But when I read this topic I thought of the little things in life that really just make life better.

My phone and laptop : They are my sanity sometimes, in a life full of chasing a toddler around, sometimes I feel like its my only escape… a few moments here or there to just be alone doing my own thing. A link to adult conversations through social media and endless information right at my fingertips.

Chap-stick: I have a serious addiction. I cannot be without it. even if I dont really need to use it, if I think about it and I don’t have one handy… its like my lips just start to feel chapped and I cannot stop thinking about it.

Showers: I don’t know why… but I cannot fathom not showering every single morning, and I cant imagine showering the night before. Perhaps its all in my head, but I never have a good day, when, for some reason I cant get even a quick shower in. I need to wash my hair and scrub my face to feel refreshed and good to go. These are a daily must have for me…. this might be why I cannot stand camping…

Im trying to think of more things that I just absolutely cannot live without… but I am drawing a blank. Maybe I am less needy than I used to be? LOL.

What can you not live without??

Mira

 

15/20 December Blog Challenge: A Difficult Time In My Life

I think that the hardest time in my life was when my daughter was born. It was such a confusing time. I didn’t know what was happening, why it my daughter wasn’t feeding or thriving, and my fiance though he was there for her birth he had to leave after about 36 hours as he was away for work (military).

Its hard to remember the details of that time. Sometimes I feel like it is all a blur. To give you some insight into the first bit of our daughters life, let me share with you some of what I remember:

Our night in the hospital just after she was born, was not great. She wasn’t feeding and was very floppy, and the nurses were becoming concerned.  They took her to the nurses station to keep an eye on her for the night, and let us ( mom & dad ) get some much needed rest.

The morning was the start of the scary part of that first 24 hours, and the beginning of our journey. We were woken up by the nursing staff, and brought out to the nursing station to see our daughter. I was so confused. I didn’t understand what was happening, why it was happening, and I was terrified. I cannot get the image of this photo out of my head even to this day. When I think about my daughters birth… this is what I see.

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The nurses told us that our daughter hadn’t improved during the night and that they wanted to transfer her to a higher level hospital that had the expertise to handle complications.

I was so confused, I was so scared. This wasn’t what I imagined it would be like… It was as if the fears you push aside thinking they are ridiculous were all coming to life.

We were moved to another hospital. I remember the long ride in the ambulance. I was sitting up front while my daughter was strapped in the back. It was the longest ride of my life.

I spent 8-10 hours a day at the hospital with my daughter everyday(for 26 days). I remember a lot of the time we spent waiting for doctors or specialists to visit, or test results to come back. It was so hard. I am so impatient and I just wanted to know what was happening. No one had answers.

I remember when the geneticist first came to see my daughter.  She simply looked at her and made some speculations, ordered blood tests and was gone.

Genetics… I don’t think this really registered to me. I just thought my baby was sick, I didn’t really consider that something might be wrong in her genetics. Well, Google is usually a very helpful tool… unless your child is in the hospital.

I took the time to take note of the characteristics that were present with my daughter, the symptoms that the doctors keep mentioning when they examine her.  I entered them online, and I Googled.

A list. That’s what my Googling gave me, it gave me a list of about 20 disorders that had the same basic traits of low muscle tone and poor feeding which were present with my daughter.  I remember reading through the list of syndromes and ailments. Some were worse than others, some actually didn’t seem that bad at all.

This takes us then to the day I received her diagnosis.  I can still remember sitting in our cubicle cuddling my daughter  and the Doctor pulling up a chair in front of me.

“We got the genetics report back, and we have a diagnosis.”

Remember that list I just mentioned? And how I said some disorders on the list were better than others. What I didn’t mention is that there was one syndrome on the list, that with with all my heart, wished it wouldn’t be.

Then the words “Prader Willi Syndrome” escaped from her lips. The words that I was wishing it wouldn’t be. My heart felt like it had just shattered.  Anything she said after that is a complete mystery to me.

I had read about Prader Willi Syndrome. I knew what this meant. That my daughter would be hungry for life. That she wouldn’t feel full after eating. I didn’t know what to do.  I was so afraid, heck, I was already afraid of being a mom, about not knowing how to be a good one… how was I going to be a mom to a special needs child. One with such a rare complex disorder.

I remember meeting with the genetic counselor. I remember her explaining the genetics of it all… stuff I had already Googled, and even though I didn’t understand much of it, I remember only having one question when she asked.

Will she be smart?

This was the hardest time in my life. I don’t know when the hard part stopped… or if it is still happening. Those first few months seemed so dark and depressing. And while I am still in some ways coping with the realization of the diagnosis…. If I could see how bright and amazing our daughter is now… I would have saved myself from so much sadness.

She is smart, cheeky, clever, so so so funny, gentle, DETERMINED, kind and just absolutely beautiful. We are so lucky that she is still in the first stages of her diagnosis and ISN’T hungry yet. I truly believe that she is amazing and that she is going to keep proving to the world that her diagnosis is not going to hold her back in life.

Mira